The 500-word short story below received an Honorable Mention in the NYC Midnight contest, but some judges didn't get it. Time to weigh-in: clear... or confusing?
This is the feedback I'm looking for! It doesn't really matter as I am not planning to "do" anything with this story. But it is helpful to understand when the hints are not enough. Flash fiction strangles word count and it is a new medium for me. I've had some readers get everything but more than a few express some confusion or doubt.
I'll give the "answer" of what I was "trying for" in a week or so.
I admit to being confused as well. Here is what I am getting as twists- #1- he is marrying a doll #2- she poisoned him. My read is that she asked the stones (the not God) for help in her poisoning of the scones, but " a devil made me do it" did not enlighten anything for me. I will agree that 500 words is VERY short to try to twist anything!
The doll is not of her, although that would be a good twist! He is marrying a doll or android-type being (distinction not really relevant). She did poison him, which I don't consider a twist. The second twist concerns the "devil".
Cool contest and beautifully written story. Your details and flow are really strong. I confess to being confused, though. Was the new wife actually a doll-creature who made the ex-wife poison Landon? If so, I don't understand the motive or connection between new wife and ex-wife. If not... then I didn't get it. 😅
I would've loved a tiny description that implied what the it part was, is it cyborg, is it electric? Is it summoned like a golem, a body without a soul, but everything else made perfect sense to me. I loved the ending with the devil. I thought it flowed very well. And for 500 words, it was great. It was a good revenge piece. I would recommend submitting to punk noir press sometime, if that's your thing. You write great flash fiction.
This is the feedback I'm looking for! It doesn't really matter as I am not planning to "do" anything with this story. But it is helpful to understand when the hints are not enough. Flash fiction strangles word count and it is a new medium for me. I've had some readers get everything but more than a few express some confusion or doubt.
I'll give the "answer" of what I was "trying for" in a week or so.
I admit to being confused as well. Here is what I am getting as twists- #1- he is marrying a doll #2- she poisoned him. My read is that she asked the stones (the not God) for help in her poisoning of the scones, but " a devil made me do it" did not enlighten anything for me. I will agree that 500 words is VERY short to try to twist anything!
Second thought- maybe it is a doll OF HER???
The doll is not of her, although that would be a good twist! He is marrying a doll or android-type being (distinction not really relevant). She did poison him, which I don't consider a twist. The second twist concerns the "devil".
Cool contest and beautifully written story. Your details and flow are really strong. I confess to being confused, though. Was the new wife actually a doll-creature who made the ex-wife poison Landon? If so, I don't understand the motive or connection between new wife and ex-wife. If not... then I didn't get it. 😅
I would've loved a tiny description that implied what the it part was, is it cyborg, is it electric? Is it summoned like a golem, a body without a soul, but everything else made perfect sense to me. I loved the ending with the devil. I thought it flowed very well. And for 500 words, it was great. It was a good revenge piece. I would recommend submitting to punk noir press sometime, if that's your thing. You write great flash fiction.